Have you said to yourself, “I’m no longer willing to be a trash can for another’s negativity?”
“Most of us have one, so called friend or family member. Who is negative and self-absorbed, a so called friend who comes around and literally throws their trash all over you.
And we have learned early in the relationship that the only way to be safe from their anger is by listening to their complaints.
We learn to put aside our own feelings and we improperly prioritize their feelings OVER our own feelings, and our so called friend(s) takes advantage of our kindness and generosity. Of course, no matter how much we gave to them, it is never enough.
We tolerate this narcissist, believing that one day they will realize how good, how kind, and how much we sacrifice for them.
Maybe secretly we believe that our support will somehow help them to the understanding that life has a positive side, or maybe we have simply been conditioned to tolerate this sort of behavior since childhood.
We sit and listen to them complain or listen to them brag. They are never interested in what we have to say. If we say anything about ourselves, they always bring it right back to themselves or they are put us down, leaving us feeling useless or depressed.
All because we are willing to listen without speaking up for ourselves.
Maybe we think “But if we speak up, we won’t have any friends.”
Well, you might not have many friends for a while, but eventually you will find new friends – people who really care about you. When you are willing to care about yourself instead of putting yourself aside, you will attract people who care about you. But this will take time. You need to be willing to lose the negative so called friend(s), rather than continue to sacrifice yourself.
The sooner you think you are ready to do this.
The sooner you will stop the trash delivery.
And the sooner you stop people dumping their negativity onto you.
And the sooner you will find new positive friendships, and feel more joy and happiness in your life.
The world is full of self-absorbed, narcissistic people with entitlement issues, who just love it when someone is willing to listen to them. “As long as you are willing to listen to their complaints and support their self-centeredness, they will continue to do it.
Think how you feel inside when you allow others to dump their negativity their complaints, their anger, their self-centeredness and sense of entitlement onto you?
If you really look inside, instead of pushing your own feelings aside. You will discover that you feel really lonely with these people.
There is no mutual support, no sharing of love, no mutual giving and receiving. You give and they take, and you end up feeling drained and lonely. Yet you hang in there for fear of being alone with no friends or no partner or you fear their anger and are just too afraid to standup to them.
If you are really honest with yourself, you will find that it’s not worth it – that you deserve better than to be a dumping ground for their negativity.
It takes courage to speak up for yourself. It takes courage to say to your so called friend who is dumping there negativity onto you, “This doesn’t feel good. Whenever we are together all you do is complain or talk on and on about yourself. You are never interested in me at all, and this is no longer okay with me.” I no longer want to spend time with you. It’s not fun for me and I just end up feeling used and drained.”
When you become willing to speak up for yourself, and you free yourself from the self-absorbed friend, who was just using you, draining your energy and happiness. You will discover a new energy and zest for living, the sun will shine brighter as you slowly dissolve the cloud of negatively and misery that they had covered you in.
Some people may say, “I’m so grateful you told me this. I didn’t realize I was doing this. I want to stop, and I would appreciate your pointing it out to me next time I do it.” But they will not change, they cannot give up their narcissistic ways.
Others will go into denial and say, “That’s not true. I listen to you all the time.” Others will just get angry and go away.
Whichever way they react, be resolute. Cut out the darkness they bring, cut the tires that drain you of your rightful happiness and calm.
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